Fathers
No one other than the mother is more personally and profoundly affected by the baby’s birth than you are. As the mother’s lover and the baby’s father, you are connected to them like no other. Your role-to provide stability and refuge-is unique to you. Your presence profoundly influences your partner and how she navigates through labor. As a vigilant attendant, you offer your partner tremendous security and have the power to alter how labor and birth unfold. Fathers who are present at birth are often captured by their baby immediately. especially if they were actively involved in the birth, maybe even catching their newborn at birth. A father also experiences new feelings about his mate. He may speak of his amazement at her courage, strength, and endurance during labor. He now faces the task of integrating his memory of her in labor with his previous knowledge and feelings about her. A man may also feel that the labor experience has altered his whole life view. He may have gained a sense of the miraculous and spiritual, of a deeper meaning to life.
Fathers are not just substitute mothers, pinch-hitting for the real mother while she is away. Dads make their own unique contribution to the development of their baby. Your baby will not love you more or less than his mother. Your baby will love you differently. Nothing matures a man like becoming an involved father. Research shows that babies benefit tremendously from experiencing the different parenting styles between women and men. Whereas women are more nurturing, men are more playful. It is essential that women allow men to parent in their own way. This instills confidence in the new father and will encourage them to be actively involved in their child’s day to day care.
The first forty days and forty nights are remarkably special, and pass quickly. It is a time of bliss and challenge as you, your baby, and your partner adjust to your new lifestyle. It is an intensely adoring, tender, and blessed time, as most fathers find themselves falling head over heels in love. Their awareness becomes concentrated. They become captivated and take delight in every movement and sound their baby makes. Immerse yourself in the experience. Spend time with your baby and your partner. Gaze upon your baby. Hold your baby. Be brutal in cutting out extraneous activities, and give yourself time to unabashedly and exclusively enjoy your baby, your partner, and this extraordinary beginning you share. In many cultures, this 40 day period is a time of exclusivity for the mother and baby, with the mother not leaving her bedroom or separating contact from her newborn. Family and neighbors attend to all her needs, allowing her the freedom to focus only on her mothering. If this is your first baby, you will be adjusting to your new role as father and family man. If you already have a family, the whole family is adjusting to the new dynamic. Because every child is different, each child is a unique and new adventure. Give yourself lots of unstructured time to get to know your baby and adjust to your new lifestyle.