CincyBabies

I would write more about having fibromyalgia, but it’s honestly a little scary for me…for a lot of reasons. The people who have it experience it differently and choose to treat it differently, so it is easy to offend, overgeneralize, and alienate. A remarkable number of people think it is a bogus diagnosis. I don’t write about it often, but I bring it up here for one reason: when you have it and you’re considering your mothering choices, you are surrounded by a chorus of “I can’t.”

When you decide to give birth naturally or to breastfeed or to co-sleep or to take any number of paths, well-meaning people let you know with either their words or actions that they think you can’t do it. It will be too much for you, they say. You have to take care of yourself in order to be a good mom, and it’s impossible for you to care for yourself if you’re giving your body over to your baby. The loudest naysayer is often your own mind. Even before I became pregnant, I doubted by ability to even carry a child, let alone give birth to or breastfeed one.

But I did it and am doing it, and I believe that you can, too.

I don’t write this to criticize anyone’s choices (or to take anything away from the small percentage of women who have physical conditions that truly preclude them from mothering the way they would like to). I write it only to say, “I believe in you” to anyone who needs to hear it.

I’m in the midst of breastfeeding now, and I struggle through it every single day. My baby is nursing very successfully and is happy and healthy and secure, and I’m finding ways to cope with the extra nursing difficulties fibromyalgia introduces to the mix for me. Here are a few things I’ve learned, so far, that help me on this journey. I would tell you to eat right and get plenty of sleep and exercise, but I haven’t figured out how to follow that advice yet (if you’re doing it, WAY TO GO! I hope to be just like you when I grow up). Instead, these are some practical tips that I’m working through, and that I hope might help you, too.

1. Have an empowering birth experience.

Whatever choices you make about how you give birth, make them. Even if your birth does not go according to the letter of your birth plan, do everything you can do to walk away from your birth experience feeling strong and accomplished. I can’t tell you how many times I have been struggling through breastfeeding and drawn strength from reflecting on giving birth. The memory of birth reminds me that I can do anything, and that I can trust my body and my baby to work together.

2. Enlist your partner.

In my house (maybe in all houses), breastfeeding is a team sport. My husband is fully on board with breastfeeding and does anything he can to help make it work. He makes sure that I’m comfortable, that my glass of water is full, that I have changed positions enough. He sits up with me in the middle of the night to help keep me awake and sane. He does not pressure me to pump or to use bottles. He does not speak of formula, and he runs interference with other people about these issues. Part of his role as Dad is supporting me in feeding our baby.

3. Take a shower. And another and another and another.

Breastfeeding severely limits and may foreclose pharmaceutical options for pain management. I have found that the most effective pain management tool I have for my fibromyalgia symptoms is water, and it just so happens that a hot shower can help encourage milk expression, too. Taking a hot shower gives me some pain relief, some rest, and quite a lot of mental clarity. So I do it as often as possible.

4. Find a friend who breastfeeds.

Just like you need a partner on board, you need a friend on board. You need someone to talk to about sleepless nights and clogged milk ducts and how your left boob seems to make twice as much as your right. You need someone who celebrates you and what you’re doing, and someone who allows you to encourage her, too. If you don’t know someone, hop onto this website or to facebook or to the La Leche League website. Breastfeeding moms are passionate about breastfeeding for everyone. I want all moms to have a positive breastfeeding experience, and, if I could, I would pump and freeze enough milk to feed every baby on earth. If you look, you will find a friend to support you.

5. Have a sense of humor about it.

When I have a particularly good pumping session, I take a picture of my full bottles. I text my husband about taking my boobs out in the office. I laugh. And I need that.

6. Be committed, and cut yourself a break.

I will breastfeed. Period. And, as a working mom, this means that I will pump–another thing that has been quite challenging for me. I have to pump for literally hours a day (I do several hours of pumping for ten minutes, resting for ten minutes, and pumping again). It is tedious and tiring and hurts my skin, but I’m committed.

And then sometimes, I just need a break. Once I got just one bottle ahead…just one…I knew that I could, occasionally, allow myself to pump for a few minutes less here and there. Those occasional breaks from routine (and they are very occasional–a routine is important for me) remind me that I’m choosing this path. Every day, I’m making the decision to feed my baby with my body. When I view it that way, I find the motivation to keep going, and, in fact, to see breastfeeding as not just a chore, but an honor.

None of these are earth-shattering, and I think they all apply to moms without a chronic illness, too. We’d love to hear from you. Do you have nursing challenges and coping strategies?