Of Breasts and Snowflakes
I never really understood men’s obsession with breasts. I’ve always thought, “seen one, seen them all.” To me, breasts were universal and not all that interesting.
Oh, how my attitude has changed in the 15 weeks I’ve been breastfeeding! It’s not just that I realize how incredible it is to have the power to feed my child with my body. I’ve also learned that my breasts are not like yours, or hers, or anyone’s. My breasts are not even like each other. They vary in shape and size, and, despite my best efforts, one consistently makes more, a LOT more, than the other. My daughter nurses in a very different way on one side than the other. When I pump, I can see why.
The previously indiscernible differences between my two breasts have led me to conclude that breasts are like snowflakes. Coming to this understanding has helped me tremendously. Before realizing the uniqueness of breasts and the impact the slightest variances can have on every aspect of breastfeeding, I constantly felt like I must be doing something wrong. I would read about a particular “hold” and wonder why it didn’t work for me at all. I would listen to someone talk about what a “latch” felt like and wonder why I couldn’t relate. I would almost cry when another woman told me she pumped 10 ounces in a session, thinking that because I was only getting 2 ounces, I was a complete failure. Other moms seemed to nurse on strict schedules, making me question my on-demand feeding and wonder if I was really screwing up my baby’s whole life. The idea that I wasn’t breastfeeding “well” haunted me. I think feeding your baby with your body is so intensely personal…it was very painful to me to think that I might not be successful.
But I’ve come to understand that every breast is unique and so is every breastfeeding experience. And every woman who is breastfeeding is succeeding. The commitment to the process, the gift we give our children and ourselves and our families–there can be challenges, but not failure. With that understanding, I now love to hear other women’s stories and even their advice–advice that I can take or leave. After all, my breasts are not like yours, or hers, or anyone’s.