birth story: c & m, from his perspective
C started having contractions at work on December 1. She was having a miserable day and we had our 38-week appointment with Dr. F. He could definitely tell she was in no mood for small talk that day, so it was a short visit. Because our birthing class has done such a good job making sure everyone knows that 40 weeks is not the magic number, and that it could be up to 42, we had never really considered the possibility of the baby being early. So we chalked the contractions up to false labor and hoped that they wouldn’t last for days or weeks.
That night, C’s contractions started to contract themselves – from 20 minutes to 15 minutes to regular 10 minute intervals. Her sister, who is a nurse, agreed that it was likely false labor, so I promptly went to bed and fell into the most restful sleep I’d had in a while (and a type of sleep I definitely haven’t had since). While I slept, C transitioned, which she found to be the most difficult part of the process. Her sister helped her by charting the contractions and offering positive affirmations, including reminding C of her previously expressed belief nothing could break her spirit, and so how was she going to let some momentary contractions get the best of her.
At 3:30, they woke me up, saying that I should call our doula, E (who is tremendous, by the way). It took me about ten minutes to decipher what each of those words meant, but I finally called E and she hurried over. Initially, she was of the opinion that C might be able to go to the hospital and walk the halls (walking was the best way for her to deal with the contractions). After about fifteen minutes, she changed her tune (without alarming any of us in the process), and said that we might just go ahead and check in and get this show on the road. I loaded up the car, and we started the drive to the hospital.
[Note to expectant fathers: speed on the way to the hospital is not always the best answer. I hit several speedbumps leaving our neighborhood at a higher rate of speed than normal, and each one occasioned a scream from my wife, who was propped up trying not to let her bottom touch the seat. I quickly learned that fast accelerations after stop signs were also unwelcome.]
Other than that, we made it to the hospital uneventfully and checked in. Triage was a bit strange – they wouldn’t let me answer questions on her behalf, even while she was going through sharp contractions, and so it took a little while. We also had our first “hypno-birthing throwdown” in triage – the nurses were dead-set on putting in an IV or a Hep-lock, and we told them that we weren’t having either of those interventions. They went out in the hall, and I promptly followed them. I tried to lighten the mood by saying that we had planned to bribe them with cookies, but he came too early for us to bake, but they were in total “do you know the risks?” mode. I was able to discuss the risks and our appreciation of those risks with them, and once they tried almost all of the angles to get us to have a Hep-lock (including saying “we’re going to draw blood anyway, can’t we just put one in then?”), they backed down. In triage, we learned that C was 6 cm. dilated and 90% effaced (and I actually understood what that meant, which I owe entirely to our birthing class!).
We went to the room, and this is where our doula, E, really earned her wages. She provided support, both emotional and perineal, and she generally explained the beeps and blips to us. C’s water broke around 7:45 a.m., after nearly 2 hours in the hospital, and the pushing part began in earnest at 8:00 a.m. C found the pushing to be the easiest part – very natural. For those moms who are scared about having people in the room (family, in-laws, etc.), C said she wouldn’t have minded if a marching band and a choir stopped by – she was in a zone. E called her a “cave laborer,” and I would definitely agree. She was in such a focused place, clear and calm and without distractions.
She was so undistracted that she has no recollection of a conversation between the doctor and nurse at the very end when they noticed baby’s heart activity had become less robust. It made me nervous, but the baby appeared immediately after the comment was made, and he looked perfect.
The benefits of natural childbirth were immediately evident. C was alert and oriented after the birth and felt a tremendous sense of satisfaction and accomplishment. I felt an equal sense of pride and love. It was like a new chamber in my heart opened up after I saw what she did.
After a modified breast crawl, he fed within ten minutes of the birth, and he latched on perfectly (and has seemingly not unlatched – he is a good eater!). We let the cord pulse (without anyone asking any questions about that), and we kept him unwashed and skin-to-skin for the first two hours (we were becoming fearful at that point, because his aunt and grandparents seemed on the verge of snatching him away – waiting to hold him must have been very difficult for them). C refused all pain medications afterward, as she had only a small, natural tear, and she felt confident that she could manage, which she did. She was up and walking unassisted in the hospital the next day, and we were home with him around dinner time the next day. We had the family over for LaRosas (his first LaRosas dinner of what is sure to be many), and it was wonderful and joyful.